Bleed upon pages; this is how you survive


Lydia Ume

Dear Girl,
I used to hate my body especially my nose and teeth and legs. I also wanted to be thin and tall.
If only wishes were horses… I still have the nose, teeth, leg and I’m fat.
What? Why do you cringe at the word “Fat”?
Let me tell you a story.
An accident gave me chipped teeth, scars on my arm. An unknown skin disease gave me horrible black marks on my leg. Gene gave me my big nose. Growing up I was surrounded by friends who had the nose I dreamed of and the body figure too. My inferiority complex was on a high side. Romance novels didn’t help, every heroine was tall, slim and beautiful. Cinderella’s step sisters were fat! The unfavorable characters were the fat ones. I wanted to be Cinderella.
One of the reasons I read so much was because I wanted to be smart since I felt I wasn’t beautiful. I wanted to compensate for all my flaws.
I learned to love me in stages; my hair, eyes, smile.. I appreciated this tidbits and focused on them. I don’t know when it happened but I’ve come to love myself . I’ve re-written my story, my heroines are fat or slim. Whichever suits my fancy. I am still smart and a good friend gave me a new definition ; I am a shade of soft. 🙂
Hating yourself for whatever reason is Ugly! I want you to apply this in whatever area of your life you consider a short coming. Not loving yourself robs you of life. Let me give you some examples:
I hated running, because in my head I was just too fat. As in arms and thighs will be dancing upandan. So I was always reserved, I still don’t know how to play but I’m loosening up. I missed out on all the fun that came with childhood as long as it includes running or fast movement.
I wore unfashionable dresses.
I didn’t pass through narrow places. I had this fear of getting stuck in a place, so I will take a long route just because it was broad.
I am not actually as fat as you think considering my words. The hate magnified everything! Like I will wear a dress and be shocked it’s my size. Because I hated myself, I saw myself as obese!
I was quick to attach myself to anyone who called me beautiful. I thought they were too kind and did me a favour.
I made friends with people I thought were as beautiful as I wanted to be. No matter what ugly character they had. I thought their beauty might rub off. Well, their attitudes rubbed off 😀
Getting to love and accept yourself is your personal responsibility. No one will do it for you. I want to assure you that it doesn’t happen in a day, there are days you would drown in self pity, but you must rise. You owe it to yourself and the world around you. You have so much amazing potential that it would be selfish to not let the world see it.
Do NOT be loyal to your past. Your present is a new page, write into it happiness and beauty. Don’t spend your days wishing for things, you want that perfect figure? Work it out.While in process love yourself! You have an ugly past? Work towards a better future, and while in process love yourself! Fairy-tales are…fairy-tales! You are your own fairy godmother. Work it out!

Our mistakes, flaws can make us or mar us. It is your prerogative to choose. Every new day is a school, learn as much as you can until one day you’d be a teacher in whatever area you graduate from. Look for women who inspire you, read books, learn how they got there.
Being a woman and living in this age where beauty and success is determined by society. Do NOT conform, you are CUSTOM-MADE.
Be careful of people you surround yourself with, do not give room to anyone who will slow down your process. Love yourself so fiercely that anyone who can’t fall in line would know there’s no space.
Surround yourself with people who love you even better than you. It helps. It is important to have a cheerleader, a support system. If you don’t have, cheer yourself. Be like the Agama lizard, clap so loudly when others won’t. Remember, it’s a process! They will soon clap.
I am not kind to people who say I am fat when it’s said in a derogatory manner. I reminded the last person of how empty her brain is. Yeah, I’m sarcastic lai dat. I do not give room for bullshit.
Be kind to yourself. You have this one life to live.
I wake up everyday and I thank the Lord..for this vessel (body) I came in. It is the vessel suitable for the purpose I’m created. I have learnt from every mistake, and I aim to not let affliction rise a second time.
My dearling, you are a Masterpiece. You own your definition of beautiful.
This poem by Hymar Idibie David is something you must always remember.. I read it every morning since I first saw it.
“I own my body
You own your definition of beautiful
And your definition of beautiful
Only matters to women
Who haven’t yet realized
They are picture perfect
Waiting to happen
I own every shade of happy
Every colour of fine
Every pound of contentment
I am beautiful in every size I chose to come
Don’t tell me. I know.”

P.S: I can laugh for days now, I show off my teeth. I wear short skirts for many reasons not excluding showing off my butt. I don’t even notice my big nose again. I’m always admiring my eyes. I am also working on my eating habits and I exercise “sometimes”…Like I said it’s all a Process.

1 thought on “#DearGirlChallenge”

What's on your mind?

%d bloggers like this: